she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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