HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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