the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
