I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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