well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
