i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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