there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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