Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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