Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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