I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
