I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize