Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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