I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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