I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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