Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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