oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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