are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
