Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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