he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize