Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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