i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize