Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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