I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
