i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize