Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
