Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
