So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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