what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
