Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Kiss
Puke
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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