His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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