using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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