using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
