ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
