i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
