My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
