Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize