theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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