I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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