He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
