"it" just moved
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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