great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
