i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
