Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
