just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
