summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
