I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
