Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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