Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
