the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
