i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
