When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
