Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize