Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
