We got so high we made milksteak
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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