You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
