Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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