She's JV to your varsity
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
