youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
