I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
