The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
