Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
