You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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