yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
