The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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