so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
