WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My balls are so social today.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
