At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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