I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
