I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
