I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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