Nicole vs. Life
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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