found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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