I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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