would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
