he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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