Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
