Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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