i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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