I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
