Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
