Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize