I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
