I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
