Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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