You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
