I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
