Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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