I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just googled if crying burns calories
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
