If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is wine microwaveable?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
