No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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