My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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