My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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