I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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