So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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